These are “The 3 C’s of Codependence Recovery.” Once a codependent stops trying to make someone else stop using drugs or alcohol, they can begin to focus on their own recovery.
Every person struggling with a substance use disorder has parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, spouses, children, neighbors, co-workers, friends, nieces, nephews. Have you tried to control a loved one’s use of alcohol or other drugs? Have you made threats, tried to bargain, begged? It’s not easy to see that we are all impacted by a substance use disorder. How we react is what makes the difference in our well-being.
How do you react?
Hello Michelle..I realize this was posted back a few months..but I just accessed this site again after many months and saw this here.
ReplyDeleteI went through the "How To Cope" program TWICE during a very dark time in my life whereby my son..single father of two children..was falling head first into the worst darkness he'd ever been with his addiction to Meth. And..along with this he is full blown Bi-polar.
HE was my master manipulator..I..was his master enabler. I did everything trying to get him to stop the madness from making promises to actually purchasing him a home so that he could start his life again...and right before my very eyes he turned this home into a drug den.
I FINALLY got it through my thick head that this was HIS disease..not mine...that even had I not brought him into this world..he would have more than likely gone down this same path. I turned him in to the police...watched as he went through the many court dates...took his children from him..and watched him go to a 120 shock program that the judge ordered. I refused to allow him into my home when he completed this and watched him spend another six weeks in a halfway house until he got a job..at which time I did allow him to come live in my home with the children. Once again...I saw him struggling to find his way..thinking he could 'handle' going back to his old friends and at the same time behave himself. Once again...I stepped in and reported him to his probation officer. Once again...I had to watch him go through the court system again where he was given ONE MORE chance by the judge who ordered him into drug classes and frequent drug testing.
During all of this I was maintaining a full time job..raising two grandchildren AND attempting to maintain MY sanity. BUT...once I realized that he was a BIG boy now...and he was making his own bed to lay in at night...I personally was a much happier woman.
I'm happy to say that my son is clean and sober ...has been for almost a year now..has a wonderful job..and we have been working on teaching him the skills that it takes to raise young teenagers. He reports in to his probation office and is proud of himself when he tests clean...he's finally beginning to see that it's not 'BORING' To not have to look over your shoulder every time you venture out...that it's actually "NORMAL" !
I am proud of his progress...yet...I still realize he could slip...and I'm prepared for it if it happens...but I don't dwell on it. I tell him daily that I'm proud of him...BUT..I've also learned how to tell him "NO" and not feel guilty for doing so. He is busy right now re-building bridges that he burned with every member in the family...and knows that 'trust' is something that you have to 'earn'.
My life is much calmer now. If he chooses to fall over that cliff again someday...He will do it alone...because I now know better than to let him put a rope around my waist and pull me over with him. AND..he KNOWS what I am capable of doing now that I am a stronger individual.